DECEMBER 18, 1998 GAY PEOPLE's ChronICLE 17
BIG TIPS
Happiness for a lifetime of holiday cookie plates
by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone
The motivations behind my vegetarianism have always been suspect. I know about the cruelty of debeaking chickens and penning veal calves, and how pumped full of hormones most meat is. But knowing something is unhealthful or disrespectful of animals has never been a strong enough motivation to keep me away from, say, fried pierogies, or TV shows from the '60s featuring chimps as wisecracking crime fighters.
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I'm not even a real vegetarian, having always eaten "our friends from the sea.' Shoddy motivation aside, I never though I'd be sharing a life with a jubilant pepperoni-head. My gal was a more vigorous vegetarian than I, and for the past year and a half we've enjoyed a kitchen with absolutely no pork chop fat spattered on the walls.
That grease-free life seems to be in danger now. Cracks in the foundation surfaced early: Last summer she confessed to eating a day-old hamburger left over from a staff picnic. A month later, she came home with "ham-head”: a spaciness that I'd witnessed previously in a friend with a sensitivity to pork, which left her dazed for hours after eating. Girlfriend said she'd had a few bites of a friend's sandwich with pancetta in it.
Well, the road to hell is paved with thin slices of delectable Italian ham. It was quiet for a few months or so, then it was a bite of beef at a Vietnamese Pho place, some turkey at Thanksgiving, then an entire meatball at an Italian restaurant. The floodgates opened, and just this week, there have been two jaunts out for burgers.
Now, what she eats is her own business, and she's almost always a more healthful eater than I am, so this only concerns me in this way: What if she has some carnivorous need that I can no longer fulfill? All I can tell you is, I love her whole hog.
I'm not going to answer any of your specific questions this week, because I feel like I need to address a serious issue that comes up this time of year.
Platters of cookies appear in homes and offices and are thoughtfully grazed upon. And what to my wondrous eyes does appear? Really weak sugar cookies.
First of all, sugar cookies should never be lemon flavored. Then they are lemon cookies, a nice thing, but not the issue at hand. Second of all, cut-out sugar cookies shouldn't be doughy or bendy, they should be crisp, and lightly browned on the edges.
Personal opinion, you say? Well, of course, but try some of these, and I promise you'll be happy for a lifetime of holiday cookie plates.
Vanilla Rolled Cookies
31⁄2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1⁄2 teaspoon salt
1 cup shortening
11⁄2 cups sugar 2 eggs
11⁄2 teaspoons vanilla 1 cup chopped walnuts
Mix flour, baking powder, and salt. In a separate bowl, cream shortening, sugar, eggs and vanilla. Mix the "dries" and the "wets," then add walnuts.
Roll "thin" (anywhere up to 1⁄4 inch), cut out with cookie cutters, sprinkle with colored sugar. Bake in ungreased cookie sheets at 400° F for 6 to 10 minutes.
Sesame Seed Cookies
Here's a nice plain one: a good palate cleanser between other holiday sweets. 2 cups flour
3/4 cup sugar
11⁄2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup shortening 2 egg yolks 1/4 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla Sesame seeds
Combine dry ingredients. Cut in shortening, then add yolks, milk and vanilla. Roll dough into “snakes," roll in sesame seeds, then cut into 11⁄2" lengths.
Bake 'em at 375° F for about 15 minutes, on ungreased baking sheets.
Now, if you scoff at the ease of these classics, here's my family's recipe for incredible fig cookies. Do not try this at home unless you are the possessor of very large mixing bowls:
Grandma's Filled Cookies
Filling
Soak in tepid water for at least one hour:
1 box of raisins
2 strings of figs—take out the string, okay? 2 cups walnuts
Grind the above soaked ingredients with:
1 number 21⁄2 can of peaches (drained)
1 bottle of maraschino cherries (drained) 1 pound of dates (pitted)
Dough
Cream together:
21⁄2 cups Crisco
3 cups sugar
In a separate bowl, mix together:
9 eggs
2 tablespoon vanilla
12 cups flour
1 cup milk
6 tablespoons baking powder
1 tablespoon salt
Add dries to creamed mixture.
Roll out some dough into a rectangle
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STAINED GLASS PRIDE ORNAMENTS & GIFTS Mark at Hedderman's Artworks wishes to thank these fine establishments that are displaying my work. I encourage you to stop by... The Hawk MJ's 5 Cent Decision Rockies The Grid Everyone Have an Excellent Holiday!!
(Thanks to all my friends at the Chronicle) • www.members.aol.com./Prideart Hedderman's Artworks
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CUSTOM PORTRAITS
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approximately 12" by 4" by 1/8" thick. Spoon the filling in a line down the length of the dough.
Bring the sides of the dough up and pinch it together along the length to form a tube sealed along the top and open on the ends. Roll this "log" so that the seam is on the bottom. Slice at a diagonal angle into 1" wide pieces.
Bake for 20 minutes on greased cookie sheets at 350°.
Frosting
Cream together:
1 pound of powdered sugar
1⁄2 stick of margarine
some milk
some vanilla
When these babies are cooled down a little, frost and sprinkle with colored sugar. This recipe makes quite a few, so don't eat them all at once.
For a limited time, everyone who sends a letter or e-mail question to Big Tips will receive a piece of Blessed Mother bric-abrac: a key chain, a little statuette, perhaps a magnet. I am breaking up and dispersing a huge collection over the course of this year, and you are my latest recipients.
For more information on this "Diaspora Project," contact me at M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone@drizzle.com.
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St. John's Episcopal Church
Saint John's extends a special welcome to the Lesbian and Gay Community of Cleveland. Fr.
Wellcomes you!
David Bargetzi, Vicar, and his partner, Stephen Gracey, invite you to explore this friendly, loving, and diverse church.
Join us Christmas Eve:
Sung Mass 11PM
Sunday Eucharst: 11:00 AM
2600 Church Avenue
(Church Ave. & West 26th St.) Cleveland, Ohio 44118 Phone: (216) 781-5546
http://www.en.com/stjohn/ e-mail: indigo@stratos.net
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